Ministry of Approved Questions · Decree 009-INK
Comrade Trumpski nationalizes the truth before the midterms
Independent reporters are expelled while the Leader builds a personal Pravda to protect Congress from voters—and himself from impeachment.
By the Mar-a-Pravda Editorial Collective · Unanimously
MAR-A-PRAVDA — With the midterms approaching and unauthorized democracy spreading through the electorate, Comrade Trumpski has opened an American franchise of personal Pravda: a press corps permitted to report only after the news has been inspected for dangerous traces of reality.
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Government efficiency
Postal service liberated from delivering ballots incorrectly
The mail will now arrive with improved loyalty, enhanced gold trim, and fewer opportunities for unauthorized arithmetic.
Read the TRASS bulletin →Ministry of Compulsory Prosperity
Comrade Trumpski orders interest rates to stop misinterpreting his economic genius
Markets instructed to celebrate the jobs report without developing independent thoughts about it.
Read the decree →Department of Patriotic Cartography
Voters ordered to fit inside approved districts
Following difficulties annexing geography, the Department turns its attention to the electorate.
Read the decree →Ministry of Structurally Sound Applause
Ceiling defects from People's Palace of Culture
Gravity accused of releasing unauthorized architectural commentary.
Read the decree →Department of Patriotic Cartography
Comrade Trumpski conquers Canada with one mighty Sharpie
Four hundred years of history corrected in eleven seconds. Atlantic and Pacific oceans advised to update their paperwork.
Read the decree →Department of Maximum Freedom
Liberty rescued from dangerous civilian ownership
Freedom has been placed in protective custody until the public learns to use it more responsibly.
Read the decree →People’s Treasury
Billionaires accept terrible burden of governing without election
Patriotic oligarchs volunteer to transform public influence into a private subscription service.
Read the decree →Ministry of Agricultural Loyalty
Historic harvest achieved after workers disappear
State television confirms the crops are thriving immediately outside camera range.
Read the decree →Bureau of Strongman Friendship
Peace secured through beautiful exchange of compliments
Comrade Trumpski obtains historic concessions from himself while foreign strongmen leave satisfied.
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